Shrek and Shadow Have a Baby
by Happy Dickfart
Summary: Two lonely souls. One fateful encounter at the swamp. A love so powerful it'll shake you to your core. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll fap til your hand falls off. Welcome, friends, to the greatest love story on the Internet, now with an Mpreg twist!
1. Fairy Tale Romance

Shrek and Shadow Have a Baby, by Dickfart

Shadow spent most of his life shrouded in darkness and grumpiness. Once in awhile he and Rouge went out and got their nails done, and sometimes he even got to beat up that fucking Sanic the Hoogahog, but mostly his life was full of sad and teen angst that's been going on for fifty years.

He got bored one day and went to a certain swamp, where Shrek was cooking up his famous many layered onion stew. Shadow followed the smell of onions and swamp gas, and the more he followed, the hornier he got. This was weird for Shadow, for often Sanic was going too fast for him to get a proper boner over the man he thought he was deeply in love with.

This all changed when he witnessed Shrek, picking snot out of his nose and ripping a fart so loud it shook the trees. Shadow was fully erect now. He hid behind a rock because he was shy.

"I thought love was only true in fairy tales," said Shadow. "Meant for someone else, but not for me."

"Who said that?" Shrek bellowed. "Get out of my swamp!"

"I..." said Shadow, his heart thumping. "I must tell him how I feel, or this feeling will consume me."

Shadow put on a brave face and walked out from behind the rock.

"I'll have you know that I'm the coolest," said Shadow with a huff. "So you should be honored to be my chosen mate."

"Chosen mate?" said Shrek. "Who are you to walk into my home and tell me I am your chosen mate now?"

"You may be the Shrexiest being in all existence, but I am the ultimate life form!"

"Get ogre yourself!" Shrek barked. "Ultimate life form my foot."

"Is this the dick of a liar?" said Shadow, pulling out his furry girth. Shrek had to admit, he was kind of impressed.

"Oh all right," said Shrek, shoving his lover fast first into a tree. Shadow's tempting little entrance puckered and glistening for him in the sun. "You've already prepared!"

"Naturally. As the ultimate life form, I possess the ultimate self-lubricating bootyhole, for max efficiency gay sex. Just ask Sanic. He fucks my ass and cums faster than I can even notice him."

"He sounds like an oaf," said Shrek. "Now be quiet while I fuck you."

But Shadow couldn't be quiet, because Shrek's beautiful, greasy ham dick filled and stretched his ultimate butthole in a way that can only be described as pure bliss. He was in such a state of nirvana that he started singing Smells Like Teen Spirit, until Shrek smacked him rightfully.

"None of that gay shit in my swamp!" said Shrek.

"Oh yes," said Shadow. "Please forgive me. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed."

"That's better," said Shrek, pumping his ogre meat as far into the tiny hedgehog as it would go, and Shadow panted, panted, until he reached climax.

"MARIA!" Shadow shouted, and came with a vengeance. Shrek, too, feeling that tight little asshole squeeze his ogreth, came so hard that the force launched Shadow straight back to Space Station Ark.

"Have a nice life, bunny rabbit!" said Shrek, going right back to his onion stew.

Meanwhile, at Space Station Ark, Shadow was living out his normal days of brooding and angsting, until the morning sickness happened.

"Could it be?" Shadow said, and then the pregnancy test came back positive.

The ultimate life form... was now the ultimate pregnant form!

to bee continued...


	2. Lovers Reunited

Shrek and Shadow Have a Baby, by Dickfart

The ultimate pregnant form was having a mood swing, so he came down to earth one day and punched Sonic square in the face.

"Oh shit, I shoulda went fast," said Sonic, groaning and spitting blood out of his mouth. He shook the pain off and noticed that a particularly pissed off Shadow stood before him. "Oh hey, Shadow. You're finally fatter than I am. Congrats, bruh."

"Fuck you. That's not why I'm here!" said Shadow, his face a picture of anger, vitriol, and edginess. "I am pregnant, and you are most likely the father. Take responsibility for what you've done, or I will shove an oozie so far up your ass that you'll choke on it. "

"Shit," said Sonic. "Yeah, hey. I gotta go be fast in that direction, soooo..."

"FUCK NO YOU DON'T!" said Amy, swinging her hammer down right on Sonic's head. The impact made a crater the size of Texas. Shadow almost fell in, but that would have been lame, so he stood there with his arms crossed all cool like. "Five kids, shithead. FIVE FUCKING CHILDREN YOU AND I HAVE, AND NOT ONE GODDAMN CHILD SUPPORT CHECK. SUPPOSE YOU SPEND ALL THAT MONEY ON CHILI DOGS, HUH?"

"Oww," said Sonic, face down in the Texas-sized crator

"Don't you OWW me! You have sex with me that lasts one twentieth of a second, leave me with quintuplets, and go and make SOME OTHER HEDGEHOG PREGNANT TOO? What the ACTUAL FUCK?"

"Amy, I'm sorry," said Sonic, crying. "It's just... raising Tails and all..."

"TAILS IS LIKE TWELVE NOW, AND A LOT MORE GROWN UP THAN YOU'LL EVER BE," said Amy. "You have infant children back at home, crying for their daddy, whose gone fucking off with some other hedgehog? Are you KIDDING ME?"

"You can say my name, Amy. I'm right here," said Shadow. "Otherwise, I agree. Shame on you for being a deadbeat, Sonic. I'll go raise my son and/or daughter with a real man. Bye forever." He said, running off in a fit of tears and shame.

He ran and ran, crying, hiccuping, and occasionally stopping to vomit because GODDAMN HORMONES, until the smell of onions and swamp gas greeted him like a warm hug.

"My soulmate," said Shadow, glancing at Shrek from a distance. "How I've longed for this day."

"Is that you, Donkey?" said Shrek. Shadow's face instantly fell. Who the fuck was donkey? Sounds like a real whore.

"We meet again," said Shadow, trying to make an edgy pose, but his pregnant belly was in the way.

"Hello, little bunny rabbit. Why are you in my swamp again?"

"I..." said Shadow, biting back the tears. "I needed to see you again."

"You're a wee bit ogreweight since last I saw yeh."

"You're one to talk!" said Shadow, and Shrek laughed and patted his belly.

"Got me there. But you know," he said, cupping Shadow's matted cheek, still damn from tears. "I like my bunny rabbits with a bit of meat on their bones, if yeh know wuh I mean."

"I do, darling," said Shadow, nuzzling into that warm, green hand. "I'm a hedgehog, though, not a bunny rabbit."

"Oh well, whatever you are, why don't you stop by my cabin? We can discuss this ogre coffee?"

"Yes," said Shadow, with a real smile on his face.

So they went inside of Shrek's cabin, and his glistening Easter ham pounded Shadow's slick, hungry prostate once more. The happy hedgehog was glowing and dripping with swampy cum, cuddled deep beneath the musty sheets of Shrek's bed. He pressed his face against the ogre's mighty chest and gave a contented sigh, while Shrek ripped a giant fart.

"Ah, better out than in, I always say. Now how about that coffee?" said Shrek.

"No coffee for me, thanks," said Shadow. "I'm pregnant."

"Oh, well all righ-wait. What did yeh just say?"

to bee continued


	3. A Challenger Arrives

Note: If you look up "Super Salty Edgelord" on youtube, you'll find a funny reading of this fic by NexusAvatar. I couldn't NOT update after finding out! :)

Shrek and Shadow Have a Baby, by Dickfart

So Shadow moved into Shrek's swamp officially. Whether or not he had Shrek's permission meant nothing to him. He was starting to get bored though. Being a fat sack of preggyhog took its toll on Shadow's poor ankles. It made it hard to be cool while he whipped through town beating up the bad guys, the good guys, and all the other mother fuckers that got in his way. Yesterday he was so mad about it all that he punched a hole into the bedroom floor SO HARD that an old portal to Hell opened beneath them.

"DOHN-KAY!" Shrek belted, as the rancid, festering ass broke free from the demon portal.

"Shrek! How long were you gonna let a brutha burn in Hell? Don't think I didn't notice the board you hammered to the floor."

"That guy was supposed to come back and fix it," said Shrek.

"You talking about punk ass bloke with the spiky hair?" said Donkey. "Man, he left before morning. I'm still gon make WAFFLES!"

"Why don't you love me?" said Shadow, dropping to his knees suddenly, bawling with agony. After a few minutes of that he got up on his feet and hooked his arms around Shrek. "I'm not crying anymore, but I feel the intense urge to go shopping. Take me shopping while I'm still happy."

"Would you get OGRE your mood swings already. Ay!" said Shrek, stomping away while his swampy loafers squeaked beneath him.

"WHO WAS HE?" said Shadow, diving for Shrek's ankles. Shrek gave no fucks about dragging a bitchy, pregnant hoogahog across the dirty floor. "TELL ME OR I'LL KILL HIM!"

"Hey guys," said Goku, suddenly appearing in the room. "Do I smell waffles?"

"It was him," said Shrek, kicking Shadow off of him.

"You almost hit the baby YOU FUCK!" Shadow threw a vase at him. It connected with the back of his head and shattered, but Shrek kept walking, crop dusting with each and every step he took.

"Ah, what a dream boat," Goku and Shadow said simultaneously, until Shadow remembered that he was the jealous type.

"Listen here, Kakarot!" said Shadow. "You see that? That's MY man! He's with ME now, so you best be SAIYAN goodbye, if you know what's good for you."

"Hey now," said Goku, flicking the tiny hedgehog in the head. "You're an all star." Shadow fainted instantly.

"HEY! YOUR FOOD IS GETTING COLD!"

"I'm Cum-eh-ha-me-humming, my swamp king." Goku called down the hall. "As for you..."

He picked up Shadow and said, "Get your game on and... go play..."

Then transported him to the worst place possible.

Gundam: SEED Destiny. Actually, no. NARUTO! Maybe Family Guy.

...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

to bee continued


	4. Shadow's True Feelings

Shrek and Shadow Have a Baby, by Dickfart

Last time on

SHADOW BALL Z

Frieza and Cell teamed up to fight Goku and his Z squad.

But then Shadow broke through that dimension. Destabilized by the outer-dimensional intrusion, a massive worm hole opened up in space/time and sucked the world of Dragon Ball Z into the world of Naruto, where the two worlds cross bred and shat out some abomination called Sanic X or something. I dunno. Fuck anime.

Anyways, Shadow landed flat on his asss crushing the skull of Princess Oshawottfucker. You know, the human chick Sanic bones in that one game. And ass he peeled himself off the squished chunks of skull and brain, Sonic looks up at Shadow with awe.

"Shadow, that's NO GOOD," said Sonic, wagging his finger.

"Shut the fuck up," said Shadow, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "By the way, you're exposing my baby to teratogens and birth defects by stressing me out and making me smoke, you fucking fuck."

"Sonic says your birth canal are full of my former girlfriend's head chunks."

"So?" said Shadow.

"So, that means I'd like to take you back to my place so we can git eet ohwn."

"O," said Shadow.

So the two heggyhogs glitch-fcuked in the middle of Sonic 2006, until they were two polygons melting into one with their heads twitching and bobbing while waxing poetic about deeply kept thoughts and secrets.

"Shad, you've been so distant lately. What's up? You can talk to me baby."

"Well," said Shadow, with a sniff. "My mind says me baby and I are saf here with you, but my heart tells me to go back to Shrek." He sobbed and hiccuped openly then. "What if Shrek won't take me back? I keep having flashbacks..."

 _italics means flashbacks jstyk_

 _"No Shrek, don't go."_

 _"I'm sorry, but my time here is ogre."_

 _end flashback_

"You have to go to him," said Sanic, all stretching and spinylike in his polymorphed glitch state. "Tell Shrek you love him, and hurry!"

"Why?"

"Because your water just broke."

to bee continu


End file.
